


Two Years

by thenakednymph



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fuck the canon timeline, Keith is in love, Lance is blind sided, M/M, Mild Language, Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Y’all want some angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 21:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17836634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenakednymph/pseuds/thenakednymph
Summary: Vague summary: Two years is a long time to get used to a thing.Slightly more specific summary: Keith has had two years in the Abyss to fall in love with Lance. Old habits die hard. Including pet names.~Salty shit post: So let’s talk about those flashes into the future canon never explained.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Keith has had two years in the Abyss to fall in love with Lance. Old habits die hard. Including pet names.

It’s been two years. Two years of flashes into the future, into the past, both of them blending together on top of the other in a tangled weave until Keith can’t tell them apart. It feels like going mad.

He sees himself as he falls in love with Lance, sees himself leave, watches as they come back together again. He sees their first date, their wedding, their lives together. Two years of a lifetime filled with love and pet names and a tenderness so deep it makes him ache.

Two years is a long time to get used to calling someone by terms of endearment more often than their name. So long it’s hard to stop.

Keith falls deeper in love with Lance at every wave until by the time they’re free of the Quantum Abyss it already feels like Lance is his. Until he hails the Castle of Lions and everything comes crashing down around him.

That first night is the hardest. He has to struggle through the jealousy and hurt and tangled, thorny memories in his head. It’s hard to call Lance by his name when he has a thousand others darting around inside him.

He spends that first night in the castle on the observation deck. It’s hard to sleep in his room. He can’t stand the darkness, can’t sleep without the stars anymore, can’t stand the feeling of the bed under him. It’s soft and forgiving and uncomfortable after so long sleeping on the ground.

He falls asleep with the cold steel under his back with nothing but Kosmo at his side and a thin blanket. When he dreams it doesn’t hurt anymore. Maybe that’s why when he hears his name being called it’s so easy to slip up.

“Keith?” Lance is standing in the doorway, a cup of something steaming in his hands and Keith blinks blearily up at him.

“Baby? What are you doing up?” He sits up on one elbow, rubbing at his eyes. “What wrong?” He shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind. “Insomnia again?”

Lance is staring at him, his face ashen.

“Lance?” Keith comes fully awake, his heart giving a hard thump at that look on Lance’s face. He startles at the name.

“W-What did you just- call me?”

Keith scrubs another hand over his eyes, frowning. “Your name dummy. What’s going on?”

Lance’s eyes dart around the room and he looks terrified. “You-“ His breathing is ragged. “You called me baby.”

Now he’s awake. Keith’s eyes fly open, his heart giving a heavy kick in his chest. _No. No no no._ This isn’t supposed to happen.

He can’t form the words to deny it and they’re left staring at each other, Keith’s heart breaking at that look on Lance’s face. He can’t stand it. Keith drops back down to the floor with a groan. His head bouncing off the metal and he winces, covering his eyes with both wrists.

“Damn it…” His voice is little more than a rasp. He’s trying so hard not to cry. Joan’s whines beside him and Keith runs an idle hand over his head.

They haven’t even had a chance to start and he’s already ruined it.

“What the hell Keith.”

“Go back to bed.” Keith crosses his wrists over his eyes, clasping them with his hands. He doesn’t mean to beg, but he’d give anything to erase the last few minutes.

“What does that mean?”

“It means you need sleep.”

“ _Keith._ ”

His jaw flexes at Lance’s tone, desperate for answers Keith isn’t sure Lance really wants to hear. Keith’s arms fall back into the floor behind his head and he stares at the ceiling.

“What do you think it means?” He sounds so defeated.

“No, don’t do that,” Lance snaps, “don’t deflect. Answering a question with a question isn’t an answer.”

“Why not?”

“You’re still doing it!”

Keith’s head snaps around to glare at Lance.

“It means I’m in love with you alright? Jesus, Lance I spent two years drowning in memories of you, seeing flashes of the past and the future and there wasn’t a single memory you weren’t in, okay? How could I not-“ He swallows thickly, trying to force back the tide of emotion he’s drowning under.

“How could I not love you?” The words drag out of him, burning as they go. “Before or after that?”

Lance looks like he’s going to drop the mug in his hands. It’s tipping dangerously to one side and Keith can see the liquid inside creeping ever closer to the rim.

“What am I supposed to do with that?” He sounds desperate for answers.

Keith shrugs, hurting and scared. It feels like someone’s ripped half of him away. “Whatever you want.” He can feel his heart crack. Giving Lance the chance to walk away is killing him.

“The future isn’t set in stone.” He hopes Lance can’t hear the tears in his voice, see them sliding over his temple under his hands which he’s dragged back over his eyes.

“It never was. I had a long time to come to terms with being in love with you.” His voice sounds like gravel. God he really needs to shut up.

“I know you haven’t had the same amount of time.” His fingers tighten around his wrist until the bones grind together. “I don’t expect anything from you. I never did.” He takes a jagged breath, trying to make his voice level.

“And try switching to ginger tea. It’ll put you back to sleep.” The words are thick in his throat, the memories flashing behind his eyes.

“Always did.” He rolls over, turning his back to Lance, trying desperately not to think of a little girl with dark hair and bright eyes or her little brother, the two children he loves so deeply and hasn’t even met yet. Their children. He hadn’t even realized how badly he wanted them until now, until he realized he may never have them.

It’s a long time before Lance shuffles out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff to make up for the angst. Lance wants their equilibrium back and if he has to drown Keith to do it, so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Empress Aelin bullied me into posting this next chapter. It is shallow and probably awkward but it exists. Fluff for your angst.
> 
> Apparently this fic is ongoing now.

Lance falls in love slowly. One day at a time. It’s awkward at first. He doesn’t know how to act around Keith anymore and Keith keeps himself at a distance which only makes it worse. 

It’s not until they take a break on the long road back to Earth, the paladins breaking for a swim that Lance says fuck it. He’s tired of dancing around Keith and when Hunk cannonballs into the pool of water initiating a water fight, Lance makes it his single minded focus to try and drown Keith. 

Keith is awkward, not sure what to do with his hands as Lance ambushes him, dragging Keith under the water, holding him there. 

“Lance, stop trying to drown Keith,” Shiro calls from the shore and for a moment Lance thinks Shiro’s going to come in and drag him off Keith. Lance grins at him over his shoulder.

“We’re having a bonding moment. I’m cradling him in my arms!” His smile is bright and his eyes say  _ trust me, I know what I’m doing _ . 

Shiro studies him for a moment before slowly sitting back down and Lance turns back to Keith who he’s still holding beneath the water in a choke hold. He’s stiff and awkward, trying not to touch.

“You’re gonna have to fight back sometime,” Lance says to the line of bubbles from where he’s holding Keith’s head under the water. “Stop making it weird,” he mutters, yanking the arm around Keith’s throat pinning him. “Fight back.”

He tightens his grip on Keith, adjusting his choke hold again and finally Keith starts wailing on him as he runs out of air. Lance takes several hits to the ribs before he has to let him go and Keith is surfacing with a gasp, chest heaving. His eyes are bright with fury, dark hair plastered to his face as he sputters.

“What the hell-!?” 

Lance is already on him again, dragging him back under before he can finish the demand. Keith squirms loose, throwing water as he scrambles for distance. Lance can’t stop grinning as they circle around one another. 

“Stop making it weird,” Lance pants, making a swipe for him that Keith slaps away. 

“You’ve been distant and weird for weeks; ever since that night.” He sees Keith flush, a muscle in his jaw flexing and Lance stills into a half crouch, catches his eyes. 

“I want my friend back.” He grins, tackling Keith about the waist and they’re back under the water again. Keith twists, trying to roll away, but Lance’s

arms are locked tight. Keith snaps his head back into Lance’s face on instinct and Lance shouts, a cloud of bubbles bursting in the water.  

Blood gushes from Lance’s nose and his mouth is painted red as he surfaces, clutching his bloody nose. 

Shiro is on his feet again but Lance waves a hand at him to call him off.

He laughs through the pain, wincing around a groan and blinks water from his stinging eyes, trying to see through the pain.  

Keith is horrified but under his hand Lance’s smile is wide and fond as their eyes meet.

“There you are.” He pinches his nose briefly, trying to see if it’s broken before stooping to rinse his face as gently as he can. His eyes are soft as he scoops water over his mouth. His lips are swollen and sore too. 

Keith is still frozen, not sure what to do. His hands are hovering awkwardly in the air between them, half caught between reaching to comfort and withdrawing.

“I missed having my friend around,” Lance says.

Keith looks confused but the panic is slowly leaching from his face as Lance smiles at him. “It’s good to have you back.” 

Keith’s shoulder’s relax and he stands straighter, hands lowering back into the water. 

Lance begins making his way to the shore, still cradling his bleeding nose and aching mouth. He’s pretty sure his eyes are going to blacken from that. 

“You’re an ass!” Keith shouts after him and Lance’s heart lifts, the familiarity they’d lost, beginning to settle back into place.

“Fuck you too,” he calls back, voice garbled behind his hand as he flips Keith off with the other. 

Behind him Keith smiles for the first time in weeks and Lance gives Shiro a wink as he walks by, grabbing his shirt to try and staunch the flow of blood. 

He flops onto the grass, leaning against a tree and tips his head up just a bit as he presses the wad of fabric over his nose. 

“Worth it.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not super fond of this chapter but I’ve been sitting on it long enough.
> 
> We’re jumping forward in time a bit. I like to think about a week or two have gone by and Keith and Lance have found a sort of equilibrium. From here on out the chapters kind of jump through time. There’s really no consecutive narrative, they’re just snapshots. Apologies if the change in chapters is a little abrupt.

Lance is standing off to the side watching the rest of the team prep for the mission. He’s running the pad of his thumb across his opposite palm, belying the serene, confident expression on his face. 

Keith comes to stand beside him and Lance smiles. 

“It’s gonna be fine,” Keith says lowly.

Lance smiles on reflex, thumb pressing into his palm. 

“I’m not worried.”

“Yes you are.”

Keith’s eyes are fond when they drop to Lance’s hands and back up. Lance scowls and cross his arms, hiding his hands.

“What’s that have to do with it?” His voice pitches, defensive, and Keith can’t help smiling again. 

“You’re stimming.”

Lance’s frown turns from defensive to confused. “What?” 

“You’re-“ Keith makes an abortive gesture at Lance’s hands. “The thumbs in your palm thing. It’s a stim. You didn’t know that?” 

Lance stares down at his hands. 

“It’s a self comforting gesture,” Keith explains. “You do it when your anxious or scared.”

Lance’s flexes his fingers in surprise and he stares at his hands. 

“Oh. I just thought it was a habit.”

Keith watches him curiously. “You had no idea that’s what it was or that you did it.”

Lance shakes his head. “No. I didn’t.” 

Keith smiles and it’s soft and small. 

“More space whale stuff?” Lance teases before the tension can build between them. 

Keith’s smile turns wry. “Yeah, guess so.” He runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it. “Sorry. It’s hard to keep track of what’s happened and what hasn’t.”

Lance shrugs. “‘s’okay. It’s kind of interesting actually.” The energy between them smooths back out from where it had rumpled and Lance takes a deep breath, letting his arms fall to his sides.

“Yeah, I’m worried,” he admits. Keith can’t help his surprise. Lance has never really opened up to him before. Not since he left. Admitting he’s worried know gives Keith hope that maybe they can find their footing again. 

“I’m always worried,” Lance says softly. “Especially before a mission.” He chews on his thumbnail. 

“I know.”

Lance shoots him a wry look, head dipped to the side. “Smart ass.” 

Keith laughs, apologizing again. “Sorry.” He looks up at Lance from under his eyebrows. “That doesn’t weird you out does it?”

“What? Having someone know me better than I know myself?” He shrugs and it’s loose enough Keith lets out a slow breath. “Nah. Not really. It’s you.” Before Keith knows how to process that Lance is already speaking.

“Don’t get me wrong it’s a little weird. But I don’t think it’s in a bad way.” He smiles, lips spreading to reveal the glimmer of his teeth, the dimple in his cheek. “Kind of nice having someone who can read my mind for once.” 

Keith blushes, looking askance. “Well. I’ve had some practice,” he admits, scratching at the back of his neck. Not for the first time Lance wonders at everything Keith had seen while in the Abyss. Part of him is afraid to ask. Another part is dying to know.

“Come on. Let’s go make sure the kids are behaving.” He claps Keith on the shoulder and grins. 

“Pretty sure you’re the kid,” he throws back, following after Lance as he makes his way down the hill towards the paladins. 

“Well in that case.” A glimmer alights in Lance’s eyes. “You’re it.” And then he’s bolting down the hill, nearly losing his footing as Keith charges after him, unable to resist the invitation. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys. This chapter didn’t want to come together. I have the next one and the final get together chapter finished though so the updates should come alone much more quickly. Thank you for your patience. 
> 
> Jumping forward in time again. The distance is up to you. 
> 
> As always if you find any spelling errors please let me know. Writing on mobile is not kind.

Keith goes cold, the world around him slipping into slow motion like something out of a nightmare. He recognizes the moment happening around him, from the exploding sentry, to Hunk’s shout as his bayard tears up the sentries in the room, to Pidge’s cry of triumph as another explodes. He hears the distinctive sound of Lance’s bayard firing, spinning around to face him but it’s like moving through water and he’s too slow. 

It’s like watching something from his deepest fears unfurling around him, knowing Lance doesn’t see the soldier advancing behind him, already turning their rifle on his unprotected back. Keith has seen it a hundred times after the moment happened. It had haunted him for months on the back of the whale, one of the moments that deeply haunted him, that he’d tried to avoid, hoped to even now. And now it’s happening and he’s terrified. 

Even knowing it was coming hadn’t prepared him for the reality of what he knows is about to happen. 

Abandoning the others, hoping they have it well in hand, Keith charges for Lance, the expression of triumph on his face fading as Keith barrels into him. There’s no skill to it, no deftness, just the heavy impact of a mad dash as he slams into him. 

His momentum carries them behind a stack of crates as the soldier fires, both of them hitting the groundso hard it nearly knocks the wind out of them both. 

Sound explodes in Keith’s ears with the gunshot and he wants to scream again, the world slamming back into motion at the sound. He drops his bayard, grabbing Lance’s arms and dragging him onto his back, ripping off his own helmet to better see. 

“Lance?” His eyes are wide with panic and he looks at Lance’s abdomen where he knows the gunshot is, ready to slap his hands over the wound to stem the bleeding. Except there’s nothing there. Where Keith remembers a gaping wound, blood spilling down Lance’s stomach, streaking over the white plates of his armor, there’s nothing. Just the pristine Altean armor gleaming up at him and Keith can’t make it make sense, the lack of a wound shaking him more than if it had been there. 

“Y-you?” He’s hyperventilating, his grip on Lance’s arms bruising, the greaves straining the tendons in his hands as they refuseto give under the pressure. He slaps a hand to the wound that isn’t there out of reflex, trying to stop the bleeding but that’s not right because Lance isn’t hurt. 

Keith is shaking and Lance touches him carefully, fingers brushing over his cheek from where he’s lying on the floor. 

“Keith?” He touches Keith’s chin where he’s hovering above him, his face frighteningly ashen.

“Hey, look at me.” With a gentle press he gets Keith to lift his head, his eyes frenzied when they meet Lance’s. 

He holds Keith’s face in his hands as he sits up, Keith moving in mechanical, broken motions. 

“I’m okay,” Lance whispers. “Slow down. I’m okay. You’re gonna hyperventilate.” 

“I-” Keith’s breath hitches, broken and ragged and tears flood his eyes. “You were shot.” The two images overlay one on top of the other in his mind like the worst kind of double vision, switching back and forth every time he blinks. His face is terribly blank as he stares at Lance. 

“You were shot.” 

“You guys alright?” Pidge calls, kicking through debris now that the battle is over. They squint at Lance, adjusting their glasses. “Is Keith okay? Did he get hit?” 

Lance shakes his head as they move to come closer and forces a smile.

“It’s okay, I got him.” 

Pidge lifts an eyebrow, glancing between them but shrugs and goes back to rummaging for scrap. 

Lance turns back to Keith, his thumbs stroking absently over his cheeks, watching as Keith squeezes his eyes shut, his fingers circling Lance’s wrist. He’s never seen Keith fall apart like this and it’s disturbing. He didn’t think anything could shake Keith so badly, let alone the idea of him being hurt. 

“Fuck,” Keith chokes, more tears spilling down his cheeks and Lance watches him visibly shatter, pulling him into a hug. He’s never seen Keith cry. 

“It’s okay,” he reassures, Keith tucking himself against Lance’s chest as well as he can in spite of their armor, making himself as small as possible.

“I’m okay,” Lance whispers reassuringly. “I’m not hurt.” He drags his fingers through Keith’s hair, tugging off his helmet and Keith presses against his throat, taking up the available space, his breaths hot and stuttering. Lance holds him all the tighter. 

“You kept me safe. You did it. I’m okay.” He whispers reassurances over and over again, hoping at least some of them make it through.  

Keith shudders, holding him tightly, nails dragging over his back through their flight suits and Lance presses his fingers into Keith’s lower back in return. 

He never stops murmuring to him. 

It takes Keith a minute to recover, to force back the memory that’s no longer true, both relieved and terrified because if this could change, what else can?

Keith leans back, covering his face with a hand, trying to get his breathing under control, tears streaking his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” he says thickly, hardly able to speak past the knot in his throat, forcing in slow, deep breaths as best he can. 

Lance shakes his head, pushing Keith’s hair out of his face. “Don’t be.” 

Keith drops his hand, pressing his forehead into Lance’s and closing his eyes, breathing deeply, hands on either side of his face, just holding him there. He tries to forcefully shove the memory back and rewrite it in his brain, to absorb that Lance is  _ okay _ but it’s harder to do than he thought it would be. 

Lance freezes, startled before closing his eyes and pressing gently back, offering resistance, solid and real and reassuring. 

“Take your time. I’m here. I’m okay.” 

Keith’s breathing slowly levels out and his grip on Lance loosens leaving him feeling wrung out and exhausted. 

“What was supposed to happen?” Lance asks gently, reaching up to tuck Keith’s hair behind his ear. 

Keith winces, biting at his lip, fingers curling briefly. 

“You were- shot,” he manages, trying not to see it. “Your blood pressure dropped hard and fast.” He shakes his head weakly and his arms turn to rubber. 

“God I’ve never been so scared,” he whispers and his expression warps, just a breath away from where he’s still resting agaisnt Lance. 

“We barely got you into a pod in time.” 

Lance strokes Keith’s cheek with his thumb, smearing a teartrack sideways. 

“Well I’m glad it didn’t,” Lance says softly, trying to get him to open his eyes but Keith doesnt.

He shivers at the implication, the thought bringing him little comfort. He’d always thought his memories were set in stone, that they couldn’t be changed. He doesn’t know if it’s comforting that he could change this one or terrifying that he and Lance might not end up together. 

After the Quantum Abyss he’d thought of them coming together like fate or destiny, something that was bound to happen; now he doesn’t know and he feels like he’s being ripped apart. 

Keith is overwhelmed with the desire to kiss Lance in that moment, darting in to press a kiss to his cheek instead before hugging him tightly again, needing to believe he’s really okay. He presses one hand to back of Lance’s head, holding him reverently. 

Lance blinks in surprise, lips parting before tucking himself against Keith, stroking a hand down his back, shifting so they fit together a little better. 

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” Keith whispers in his ear, voice weak.  His hands are still shaking. 

Lance tries to project a smile into his voice. “Thanks to you.” 

Keith squeezes him tighter, the hug lingering with the strange tension between them that never quite went away. 

Keith finally pulls away and Lance doesn’t want him to go, his fingers dragging gently down Keith’s arms as if to pull him back in again. He wipes at his face, sniffling and pushes to his feet. He doesn’t make eye contact again or offer Lance a hand up.

“Come on. We should get going.” He snatches up his helmet and Lance makes another grab for him, scrambling to his feet but Keith slips out of reach and doesn’t look back, leaving Lance feeling confused and oddly bereft. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For katnap53 <3
> 
> I have no idea what the timeline is like for this chapter and the last. It could be the next morning if you like, or within the span of a week. You choose.

Keith had barely slept the night before and the morning brain fog is taking longer than normal to burn off. 

He yawns, shuffling into the kitchen, eyes half-lidded. Lance is at the counter brewing a pot of coffee, swaying gently and singing to himself, soft and slow. 

“Bring me a higher love…” His head bobs side to side and Keith smiles. 

“ _Buenos días_ _mi amor_ ,” he mumbles, zombie-shuffling up behind him. He slips his arms around Lance, kissing the juncture of his neck and shoulder where his shirt has slipped to the side and nuzzles against him with a deep sigh. Keith is warm, comfortable and half asleep, smiling against Lance’s neck. He takes a deep breath, squeezing his husband affectionately. He drops another kiss to Lance’s throat because he can, because he’s happy. 

Lance is frozen in his arms and something tickles at the back of Keith’s mind as he comes more fully awake, song abruptly ended.

“Keith?” Lance’s voice is soft, his heart skipping at the sound of Spanish in Keith’s mouth, familiar, like he’s been speaking it for years. That should not have been that attractive but it makes something warm pool inside Lance and he shivers, fingers ghosting over Keith’s where they’re looped around him. 

Clarity starts to bleed in through Keith’s sleepy haze and he lifts his head, dread curling in his stomach as he comes awake and leaving his fingers cold. Lance’s fingers settle over Keith’s arms still wrapped tightly around him and reality comes slamming back into Keith. 

They’re not married. Lance is not his husband. He’s not Keith’s anything. 

He yanks his arms away, face bright red, scrambling backwards until he hits the island, hard, a bruise throbbing against his spine. Panic grips him, chasing away his morning buzz and leaving him frozen with fear. 

“Shit. I- I’m sorry.” His eyes are wide and panicked and he’s trapped between Lance and the small island at his back.

Lance’s cheeks are rosy when he turns to face Keith and he ducks his head shyly, rubbing at the back of his neck. His palm comes to rest over the side of his throat where Keith had kissed him. He doesn’t seem mad but it doesn’t stop Keith’s heart from racing. 

“‘s’okay,” Lance says softly, cheeks still warm.  He drops his hand and glances around the room like he isn’t sure what to do or where to look. 

“Coffee?” He passes Keith a mug and busies himself making another for himself, trying to hide how his fingers are shaking. Lance clears his throat, reaching for something safe.

“Memories again?”

Keith groans, covering his face with a hand. 

“God I’m sorry. I was half asleep and seeing you standing there I thought-”

When he doesn’t finish Lance glances over at him, genuine curiosity sparking in his eyes. 

“You thought what?” he prompts gently, surprised by how badly he wants to know. 

Keith blushes again and looks away. He can’t bring himself to say  _ married _ or  _ that you were my husband _ . 

He wants to. He wants that more than anything and the tentative reality that he isn’t married to Lance but maybe one day still could be scares Keith. He doesn't want to ruin what slim chance he may still have to keep Lance in his life. So he doesn’t say it. 

“Nothing.” He looks away, biting his lip. 

Lance straightens and leans back against the counter, cradling the warm mug between his hands. He looks almost shy but not uncomfortable or disgusted by the blatant affection Keith had just buried him under. 

Lance’s fingers drift back up to the side of his neck subconsciously, stroking over the spot. The feeling of Keith’s lips lingers, haunting him. 

When he realizes what he’s doing he puts his hand back around his mug, fingers tapping at the porcelain restlessly, cheeks warming again. 

He clears his throat. “You can tell me you know. I’m not gonna be mad.” He lifts his mug, blowing over the top of it and looking at Keith. 

“I don’t…” Keith chews his lip, worrying it between his teeth, fiddling with his own mug, trying not to spill it. “I don’t want to influence events or put ideas in your head,” he finally says. “The future is flexible.” He looks up at Lance knowingly. “We know that now.” Lance can almost feel the wound he never took and his fingers drift to his stomach, a motion that isn’t lost on Keith. 

“Things change.” He shrugs, lifting his eyes to look at Lance. “I don’t want to scare you off.” He looks sideways across the room feeling awkward.

“You won’t.” 

Keith’s heart does something stupid in his chest and his lungs trip over themselves. He takes a few deep breaths to get them back in line before continuing, taking a chance. His fingers tap nervously over the mug. 

“I saw our house,” he says slowly. “You, making coffee, signing like you always do when you think no one’s around. Like you just were.” Keith rubs at his eyes, leaving out the bit where they’re married. If Lance catches the “our” part of it he doesn’t point it out and neither does Keith.

“I’ve seen that a thousand times,” Keith says and his voice is soft, want threading its way into the words and he has to swallow it back. “That exact moment.” He rubs at his forehead, the memories and moments clashing in his brain. 

“I always come up and hug you, tell you good morning and we start the day. 

“It’s a habit we haven’t even developed yet but that doesn’t seem to matter,” he grouses, expression pinching. 

Stupid time travel nonsense. He hates it. Wishes he’d never seen any of it...wouldn’t give it up for the world. 

“Sometimes it’s hard to tell the moments apart. They layer over each other, blurring the moment with the memory.” He tries to smile but it flickers and drops. He had hoped with time it would stop. Turns out he was wrong. “It’s a lot like what I imagine it’s like to go mad.” He clears his throat and glances up at Lance from under his eyebrows, expression contrite. “I really am sorry.”

Lance nods, sobering. His thumb rubs against the handle of his mug, expression thoughtful. 

He stares down into his coffee, organizing his thoughts before speaking, wondering if it’s okay to ask. 

“Were you...happy?” he ventures slowly, blushing. “You know, in whatever future you saw while you were out there.” His eyes slide to Keith’s and away again, one hand gesturing anxiously. “Were you happy?” he asks again. 

This time when he makes eye contact he holds it, tentative and afraid. “With me?” His face darkens but he doesn’t look away. 

Keith swallows thickly, swirling the coffee in his mug to hide how badly his hands are shaking.

“Yeah. I was.”

Lance’s lips form a thoughtful pout and he nods, fingers fluttering anxiously. “Good.” He rubs the back of his neck, toying with his hair, a nervous habit that makes something fond turn over in Keith’s chest.

Keith doesn't know what to do with the shift in atmosphere so he says nothing, opting to stare at the floor to keep from staring at Lance. 

Lance finally clears his throat, finishing off his coffee in one long gulp he nearly chokes on before changing the subject. He adopts an air of nonchalance, tone turning breezy. 

“Seriously, it’s fine. I don’t know what you’re apologizing for.” He hides a smile behind his mug, watching Keith who looks away after a moment. “Was kinda nice actually.” His heart skips at the admission but it’s worth it for Keith’s reaction when he nearly chokes on his coffee. 

He devolves into a series of wet coughs, glaring up at Lance, knowing timed it that way on purpose. He scowls, wiping at his chin but Lance just grins, wide and unapologetic and beautiful. 

“Don’t let Hunk catch you though.” Lance pushes off the counter, turning to clean his mug in the sink, relieved the tension has fallen away. “He’ll never let you live it down.” 

Keith’s pulse races at the very faint, loose implication there might be a next time Keith slips up and does it again. And that maybe Lance has left an open invitation  _ for _ a next time, that maybe it won’t be entirely unwelcome, however tentative.

Keith’s heart hammers painfully fast and he thinks he might be rocking against the counter under the force of it.

“I’ll remember that.” 

~

The next morning Keith finds Lance in the kitchen again, same as before, Hunk and Pidge both loitering around the island, chatting idly. Keith swallows any feelings of awkwardness and stops to grab a mug of coffee. To his surprise Lance is already handing him one as he approaches, like he was waiting for him. Keith blinks dumbly before taking the proffered mug and blowing across the top of it. 

“Thanks.” He takes a careful sip, trying not to burn his tongue.

“What, no hug this time?” Lance teases, expression coy, and Keith nearly spits his coffee across the room. 

“Excuse me?” Pidge actually pauses whatever project they’re working on to look up, staring at the both of them over the rim of their glasses and Hunk’s jaw drops open. 

“What?” Hunk glances back and forth between them, expression slowly going gooey, eyes bright and Keith already regrets waking up. 

Hunk clutches his hands to his chest. “Oh my god that’s adorable,” he coos and Keith wants to die. 

He goes bright red and groans behind the hand he’s currently trying to hide under. Lance’s laughter makes the mortification slightly more bearable. But only slightly. 

“Oh lay off Hunk, he was sleepy.” Lance sits on the island, smirking at Keith from behind his mug.

“That’s even cuter!”

Keith drags his hand down his face and glares at Lance, grateful he’s left out the part about the kiss. 

“I hate you.” 


	6. Chapter 6

Lance has been uncharacteristically sullen lately. It’s hard to spot, but Keith knows the signs, knows what to look for. More than that he knows why, and has prepared accordingly. 

It takes most of the day for him to find the right moment. He manages to catch Lance alone to present him with the little figure he’d come across in a market almost a week ago. Just in time. 

“Hey.” He smiles softly, trying to put Lance at ease when he finds him in the kitchen and pulls out the gift. Lance tenses at the sight of it in his hands, taking a step back and Keith hurries to cut him off. 

“I know.” His hand falls to Lance’s arm and Lance’s mouth snaps shut. “I know you don’t want to celebrate and I’m not asking you to,” he says quietly, glancing around to make sure they’re alone.

He withdraws his hand and looks down at the box, fiddling with the delicate paper. “I know you don’t want to celebrate because she isn’t here.” He lifts his eyes to Lance’s. “And that it’s really bothering you Rachel isn’t here. But I wanted...to get something to remind you of her. You don’t have to open it now or ever but I thought-” He trails off, feeling awkward and wondering if this was a mistake. 

“I mean technically it can be for Rachel if you want.” He shuts his mouth to keep from making a bigger idiot out of himself and presents Lance with the small box. 

“Please just take it before I put my foot any further in my mouth.” His cheeks flush and Lance slowly reaches out to touch the gift. He doesn’t take it, but lets his fingers rest lightly over the paper. 

“How did you…?” His eyes flick up to Keith’s. “Hunk doesn’t even know our birthday is today.” He searches Keith’s face and Keith can practically hear the gears grinding. “And you didn’t tell them,” he says slowly, looking at the door. To everyone else this was just another day. Nothing about it was different so Lance knows they don’t know. If they did Hunk would be making a huge fuss and he wasn’t. So Keith hadn’t told them. 

“Why?”

Keith shrugs, feeling self-conscious. “You didn’t want me to.”

Lance’s lips part and his eyebrows knit together. He stares at Keith for a moment, contemplating that. 

“Thank you,” he says finally. “I really,  _ really  _ don’t feel like celebrating. And Hunk will want to make a deal out of it and I just…” His shoulders slump and he rubs at his eyes. “Really don’t have the energy.” 

Keith nods and Lance finally takes the box from him. 

“I know.” He tips his head, bangs slipping forward as he smiles, something warm and knowing in his eyes. 

“Would you believe I keep forgetting?” Lance teases, leaning his hip against the counter. He peels away the paper to reveal a velvet black box, no longer than his hand. He turns it over curiously. 

“Please be careful,” Keith warns suddenly. “It’s breakable.” 

Lance pauses then carefully opens it, watching Keith suspiciously. Resting inside is a sculpture of a figure from the waist up, delicate hands hovering over their heart. They don’t appear to have any identifiable gender and look to be made from the most delicate of spun glass. Inside, in direct contrast to the dainty nature of the piece, a storm appears to be raging. Deep clouds roil inside the head, lightning cracking down the throat and shoulders to crashing waves that white cap as they rise and fall. A living miniature storm raging, trapped inside.

Lance has never seen anything like it. 

“To remind you of home,” Keith says softly. “Something like a ship in a bottle.” His smile is so tender Lance aches and the figure trembles in his fingers. “A piece of home that’s never too far away. Something physical you can hold onto.” Keith’s mouth pulls sideways. “I know how much you miss it.” 

Lance’s heart lurches in his chest, like there’s a string knitted inside it, yanking hard to the side and nearly knocking him off his feet. He sways, bumping into the counter and feels tears threatening to overwhelm him. His ribs pull tight, like his heart is too big for them to hold anymore. 

“You know all that…?” Lance asks, his voice dangerously thick and he’s afraid he’ll do something stupid, like kiss Keith for his thoughtfulness. 

“Because of the Abyss?” He looks at the delicate figure in his hands, at the bottled storm inside it. His heart lurches again, leaving him light headed and flushed cold. 

He stares at Keith owlishly and Keith feels something like hysteria building inside him, broken and wanting and desperate with love at that look. 

That barely scratches the surface of what he knows. 

“Lance I was there for  _ two years _ ,” he says softly, emphasizing the time, the words slow and careful as his shoulders bow. “Bombarded over and over again with memories from the past and the future.” He searches Lance’s eyes, the patterns and colors he’d long ago memorized, suddenly very, very tired. 

“I spent a lifetime with you.” The words are fragile, delicate as the spun glass figurine in Lance’s hands and Keith is so afraid they’ll shatter. 

“I know what you look like when you cry,” he admits softly, something raw touching his eyes. Lance wonders how often Keith has seen the expression on his face right now. 

“I know the things you’re afraid of. I know your hopes and dreams for the future, the things that keep you up at night, good and bad.” His expression turns apologetic, like he’s sorry for knowing even though he had no control over it.

“I know you have two beauty marks behind your right ear and a small brown birthmark on your pelvis.” Lance flushes, wondering exactly how Keith came about that knowledge. He ducks his head, cradling the little figure close. 

“I know the faint scars on the back of your hands are from playing with your brother’s cat as a kid.” Keith sees the way fear flickers in Lance’s eyes as he looks up. Fear of being known without his consent but Keith barrels on, unable to stop now that he’s started, too afraid of what will happen if he does. 

“I know you rock on your heels when you’re happy and make jokes when you’re sad and deflect when you’re uncomfortable. 

“I know you have no idea how to take a compliment but give them openly and freely and that you  _ mean _ them from the bottom of your heart. 

“You are so painfully sincere in your love for other people and it’s one of the many, many things I admire about you.” He doesn’t say  _ love _ but it curls on his tongue and he swallows it back. 

“I know you’re an excellent liar,” he says instead, looking back and forth between Lance’s eyes,  “but you’re also incredibly honest. 

“I know you wear your heart on your sleeve, battered and bruised and I know how brave you are for that and for being here. I know how afraid you are,” he whispers. “And how ashamed you are of that but you have no reason to be.” There’s something tender and understanding in his eyes that steals Lance’s breath. “We’re all afraid Lance.”

Lance slowly sets the figurine on the counter, his eyes and fingers lingering. Keith feels his heart sink as he does, waiting for rejection.

“I know-” Keith’s voice finally fractures and he swallows, memories overwhelming him and what’s the point? He shouldn’t be telling Lance this but the dam has been broken and he can’t stop. 

“I know what you looked like when our daughter was born.” Keith’s jaw trembles with the weight of that moment as their eyes meet, forever seared into his mind. His fingers growing cold and he chokes. He can feel the ghost weight of her in his arms and feels his heart break with love for her. 

“And when we adopted our son. I know what you looked like the day you married me and I-”

Keith is crying, his heart bleeding out all over the floor but when Lance kisses him it’s like taking his first deep breath in months. The pain, the fear, it all evaporates under the familiar heat of Lance’s mouth on his. Keith bends like a reed, fitting to Lance like he’s the wind, weak with how much he needs him, kissing him back just as fiercely. 

Lance’s hands are on his face, catching his tears, threading into his hair. When he breaks the kiss Keith gasps, leaning into him because he’s too far away. 

“I  _ missed  _ you.” He chokes on it, a wretched sound spilling out of him as he clutches Lance close. 

The truth he’s held in his heart for so long finally spills out, ugly and raw and weak and so painfully honest. Tears streak his cheeks as he squeezes his eyes shut, hugging Lance close. 

“I love you. God I love you so much-”

Lance kisses him again, hard and deep, tilting his head and backing Keith into a wall until he hits it. He chases the confession across Keith’s tongue with his own, leaving him weak. 

It’s all Keith can do to hold on and cry and hope he isn’t dreaming again, that this isn’t just another memory left to torture him. He pulls Lance closer, like he’s afraid he’ll break into starlight at any moment, falling away from his hands. 

Lance pulls away only to wrap Keith in his arms, holding him fiercely. Keith fits himself against him, face tucked to Lance’s throat, both of them shivering. 

He can feel Lance swallow, once, twice, trying to find his voice. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he rasps and Keith’s hands curl in the jacket at Lance’s back. He drags Lance closer until there’s no space between them. 

It takes Keith a minute to find his voice again. 

“That I know you better than I’ve ever known anyone?” Keith chokes, words muffled in Lance’s neck. “That I know the things you’re most vulnerable about and every insecurity you have; none of which you ever gave me permission to know?” He lifts his head, dark brows knitted together, his eyes wet. “How could I?” He shakes his head before Lance can argue, dark hair tangled across his face. 

“I know you well enough to know you would have run. And I didn’t want that. I wanted you to stay.” His fingers press into Lance’s back. “I wanted you to want me back. I wanted  _ you. _ ” 

Lance touches his face and Keith leans into his palm like he’s starving for it, his eyes squeezing shut.

“I need you,” he whispers, the admission hurting. He’s not used to needing anyone and it makes him feel so weak. 

“I want what I saw, what we had. More than I’ve ever wanted anything; and I’m terrified you don’t need or want me back.” 

Lance drags his head up, pulling Keith into a kiss, soft and sweet and Keith savors it like sugar on his tongue, pressing into it. 

“Keith I want this,” Lance whispers against him. “Whatever we built, whatever you saw, I  _ want  _ it,” he says emphatically, his grip tightening. 

He presses his forehead to Keith’s, their breath tangling. He tips his chin so their noses slide against one another, savoring the touch. 

Lance leans into Keith’s chest, pressing him into the wall with his weight and runs a thumb over his cheek. 

“Let me build it with you,” Lance asks, his hand dropping to Keith’s side. “Give me that chance.” His fingers stroke down Keith’s ribs and over his waist, the way they always do when Lance is trying to comfort him. Keith feels the overwhelming urge to smile at the familiarity of it, warm and welcome like he remembers. 

“Let me start loving you,” Lance breathes, the words catching on Keith’s lips like a promise. 

Keith’s expression breaks and if it weren’t for Lance holding him and the wall at his back there’s no doubt in Keith’s mind he would have fallen, so weak with relief he is. 

But then again, Lance has always been there to catch him. 

Keith presses tear soaked lashes to Lance’s throat, feeling their hearts racing against one another and nods. Lance has always made him want to be brave. 

“Okay.” 

 


End file.
